Elena, and I'm sure the doctors who did this to us did not think they would be hurting us so much. Not because I believe that they care about us, but I'm sure that they care about their careers. If they did it, in my understanding was for money, arrogance or ignorance. Try not to think about that doctor. Focus on you and your healing. We must resist, we must be strong. Not because we want to or because we are wonderful people, but because we have no choice. It is very difficult, but start trying to find small good things in your day. The affection of a friend or relative. A hot meal. Good music. Even in such pain, there must be some comfort. Sounds silly, but you need to minimize your pain. Be good to you. Sincerely.